Reflecting on the past year

Last year one of my friends passed along this list of statements to complete which helped me reflect on the past year and prepare for the new year.  I pulled them out again today and found them to be a valuable resource.  I hope they serve you well.

2011 was…

I experienced Jesus through…

I was surprised by…

The Holy Spirit taught me about…

Two blessings from this year that I am very thankful for are…

If I had a chance to do 2011 over again, I would…

In 2012, I hope to see God…

Next year I want to show the love of Christ through…

In pursuit of Jesus, I hope to cast aside…

In 2012, I want to work on myself in these ways…

I want to serve those around me through….

The three things I hope to pursue next year are…

 

A New Year

Sunrise at Black Balsam Knob – January 2, 2012

The Goodness of God’s Judgment

Cemetery in Xela

 

This is an Advent devotional I wrote for Orange UMC’s Advent season e-devotionals.  The devotional is based upon Matthew 25:31-46 Continue Reading…

Ten Tips Towards a Better Wedding Toast

Our lives are full of joyous occasions that are appropriately marked by a few words.  Toasts are a great cultural tradition that help pay tribute to special people on such occasions.  However, giving a toast isn’t as easy as scrawling down a few words in an email.  Have you ever been to a rehearsal dinner, or other gathering of celebration, and felt embarrassment, shock, or just general awkwardness in the room because of a toast that was being given?  Have you ever found yourself being called upon to give a toast at a gathering only to realize that you were unsure how to express your thoughts or deal with the pressure of being in the spotlight?  If so, you’re not alone. However, the truth is that toasting does not have to be painful or difficult.

My friend David & Megan's Wedding - Cary Norton Photography

It is currently wedding season among my friends and I.  I know winter time is not traditionally thought of as wedding season, but for many of us in our twenties “wedding season” is a season of life.  In the last three years I’ve been a groomsmen in six weddings and attended many more.  During the next five weeks, the only weekend that I won’t be attending a wedding is Christmas weekend.  I also know many girls who have deemed themselves “perpetual bridesmaids” because they’re going through this same rhythm.

All of this is great because I love weddings and marriage.  I love seeing the early phases of my friends’ relationships, watching their love and care for each other grow, being present on the day when they commit themselves to someone for life, and journeying with them through the joys and difficulties of marriage.

Yet, in the midst of all this love and joy there is one thing I dislike: painful rehearsal dinners.  Rehearsal dinners are often times when the couple about to be married invites those who are most influential in their lives to share an evening with them.  At these dinners, there is usually a time for toasts from those in attendance who would like to raise their glass and offer special words to the couple.  I’ve been to dinners where guests were filled with joy as toasts were offered.  I’ve been to dinners where guests were teary-eyed because of the special toasts that were shared.  And I’ve been to one too many dinners where at least once everyone looked around at each other with that look on their face — that look that silently asks, “Can you believe he just said that?! Someone should go grab the microphone now before it gets worse.”

I’ll likely attend many more weddings in the future.  Actually, I’m sure of it, and I want to help prevent the reality of painful rehearsal dinners.  Throughout my wedding experiences I’ve learned a number of things –  many of them by trial and error — that have helped me move towards confidence while giving a toast. Admittedly, many of these tips are based on personal preferences.  However, I want to offer them as advice that may serve you well:

Five things to avoid:

  1. Speaking when it is not appropriate. “I dated Jessica for three years in high school and she was an amazing part of my life.  Then she met her future-groom, Jerry, when we went to different colleges.”  Awkward.  Often times at gatherings, toasts will be opened up to the room.  Be sensitive to the setting and let those closest to the people being celebrated speak first.  At weddings, this typically means that the wedding party and family should speak first and if there is time then others may step forward.  Just because you’re in attendance doesn’t mean you have to speak.
  1. “Being led to speak.” “I wasn’t going to speak tonight but….”  If you were not planning on speaking before the event and amazingly after a few drinks you are “feeling led” to, then you probably shouldn’t.
  1. Groups.  Girl 1: “I lived with Jessica for three years.”  Girl 2: “Me too.” Girl 1: “We had a lot of fun.” Girl 2: “Yeah we had some awesome times!”  We’ve all seen the groups of girls who play hot-potato with the microphone and it is often distracting and a bad way to cover up nervousness.  If a few people have shared experiences with the person being toasted, they should consider electing one person to speak on behalf of the group.
  1. No inside jokes, sports analogies, or standup routines.“Jessica, remember that time in Destin?? I hope you don’t do that after you’re married!!”  Yes, Jessica may remember that time.  But everyone else in the room has no idea what y’all are talking about and now they’ve stopped listening.    In Toasts and Tributes, the authors remind people to make sure that everyone will be able to understand and appreciate any stories told.”Jerry, getting married is like the fourth quarter of the SEC championship.”  After a line like this everyone immediately cringes.  Is he going to compare Jerry’s bride to Cam Newton?  No.  There is relief because he only compares her to a trophy instead.  And that is still horrible.A toast isn’t a time to do a stand up comedy routine or intentionally ridicule someone.  The focus should be on the person being toasted, not you.
  1. Lists of more than three things. “Jerry, there is fifteen things you should know about living with Jessica. First…”  Three things is sufficient if you’re going to go this classic wedding toast route.  If you have more, there is always email.

Five things to remember:

  1. Be prepared.  If you are a member of the wedding party, or one of the closest friends to the person being celebrated, you should be ready to speak.  Think about it before hand, make a few notes, keep them in your pocket, and pull them out if your mind blanks while giving the toast.
  1. Be concise.  A good toast should be concise and to the point. Toasts and Tributes summarizes this well when the authors write that a toast need not be epic in length, for “usually a few well-thought out words are more effective than an extended tribute would be.”
  1. Think you’ll cry?  You will.  While preparing, if you think you will probably cry while speaking then you probably will.  And that’s okay.  Pause, take as much time as you need, and continue on.  There is no need to continually apologize for it.
  1. Grandmother test. “And Jerry, that first time we smoked weed was….”  If you don’t think the person being celebrated would appreciate the words or anecdote you share being heard by their grandmother, then you probably shouldn’t offer them in public.   This test is one of the easiest ways to determine if what you’re planning to say is appropriate.
  1. The Formula.  There is a formula that I’ve often used when I’ve been unsure of how to organize my thoughts.  It is actually a formula that is derived from writing Collect Prayers.  However, it works well for toasts:

    You- First, the toast should be directed specifically towards the person/people in the room who are being celebrated.

    Who- Here, talk briefly about your relationship with the person, their character, and possibly include a brief anecdote.

    Do - Given the occasion, what do you hope that the person does in the future?  Have a successful marriage, a smooth job transition, or what?

    Extend your glass.

Example:

You – Jerry and Jessica,

Who – I’ve greatly enjoyed watching your relationship grow throughout our time at college.  From your first date until now I’ve seen how y’all care for each other and others so well.  I’ll never forget the time I was sick during exams and you both visited me, brought me food, and helped pick up my work packets for me.  Y’all helped me get through a rough patch and for that I am ever grateful.

Do – I hope that this care for others continues as you grow closer together in marriage, and that your care and love for each other would grow as well as you grow old.

Extend your glass.

Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect toast.  However, my hope is that these general guidelines will help you feel better prepared to celebrate your loved ones and avoid the anxiety often associated with toasts.

Have you heard any painful toasts or toasts that you thought were exceptional?  I’d love to hear about them in the comments below.

Ellison Engagement :: Durham, NC

The first time I met Bert was on a hike at staff training for Camp Rockmont.  I instantly liked him.  As we talked on the hike, I tried to make a good impression in hopes that he would choose me to be a counselor in the “tribe” of cabins that he was director of that summer.  It must have worked because he ended up being my boss!  A few years later we both ended up committing to Duke Divinity School and decided to be roommates our first year.

Since then we have grown even closer and I’ve been able to watch each step of his and Ashley’s relationship that began that year.  I’ve loved getting to know Ashley and Bert as a couple and being present from the early days when they were merely exchanging facebook messages to riding with Bert to pick the ring up from the jewelery store.

Even though it started sprinkling as we began their engagement photo shoot, this didn’t stop it from being a great day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A modern day parable – The Director

In one of my classes this semester, Proclamation in a Virtual Reality with Dr. Joy Moore, we’ve been exploring how a new generation of preachers is to proclaim the Gospel in today’s world.  We’ve been reflecting on how technology shapes us and our views of the world,  how the biblical story challenges the default stories of our culture, and how we are to proclaim the biblical story to a generation whose imagination has not been shaped by it.

One of our recent assignments was to write a modern day parable.  I hope you find it to be challenging and edifying.

There was a playwright and director who was known throughout the nation for his magnificent works.  People received them with great fanfare whenever and wherever they were performed.  He loved traveling and sharing his works with new people.  So one day, this man moved to a new city and put out a casting call to all in the community.  He put fliers that included details about the audition in storefront windows downtown, on windshields of cars in store parking lots, and in the hands of everyone he came in to contact with.

Many in the community responded, and amazingly, the director found a role for each of them in the play.  This was his normal routine, for as he traveled to different cities he would always adapt his most famous script to fit with the region, their customs and culture, and the number who responded to the casting call.  The cast practiced nightly for many months.  The first few weeks they all simply read through the script and practiced their parts aloud.  The director told them his thoughts and feelings behind the script, how they should say each line, and why he crafted the words as he did.  After this, they began staging.  The director carefully placed them on stage for each scene and directed their movements.  Finally, they did weeks of dress rehearsals until the director was pleased with everything.

At this point, the director began placing fliers all over town and inviting all the new friends he had made to the show.  He encouraged his actors to do the same and for weeks they went around telling their friends and families how much fun they had had preparing and rehearsing for the show and how excited they were for them to come see it.

On opening night the show was packed.  People had begun waiting in line that morning in order to make sure they got tickets, and the box office sold tickets until they were sure the fire marshal would shut them down.  Children sat in their parents’ laps.  Young people stood along the walls so that the older people could have seats.  And the place was buzzing with excitement.  The director came on stage and thanked the community for their hospitality, their support of the arts, and for their attendance.  And then the show began.

Continue Reading…

The Leaves are Beginning to Fall

Finding a way to the mountains each Fall has become a tradition for me over the last few years.  Fortunately, last weekend I was able to head to Clayton, Georgia to spend time with my friend Chase as he prepares to get married.

The Hovering Spirit

The Hovering Spirit

 

Sunset on Screamer

Sunset from Screamer Mountain

 

Mount Pleasant Baptist

Mt. Pleasant Baptist Church in Sylva, North Carolina

 

I also had the opportunity to visit an official state fair for the first time in my life.  Friends, moments like this only happen once.

Come and get it

Come and Get It

 

Ham Biscuit

God willing, I will one day have the privilege of serving a church that has its own concession stand at a state fair!

I often have trouble deciding if Spring or Fall is my favorite season.  However, I’ve been able to pause school at a few points in the last few weeks, and they’ve pointed me to the beauty of this time in the year. I hope you’re able to step away from your routine and see some of this beauty as well!

How do I know God’s will for my life?

Perhaps one of the most asked questions among Christians is “how do I know God’s will for my life?”

Today we live in a world where options for our lives are seemingly endless, and they can often be overwhelming as we seek to be faithful followers of Christ.

Which of the more than 4,000 colleges in the United States should I attend? What should my major in college be? In what city should I look for a job? Should I live in a different country for a while or try and settle down somewhere? Is this girl the one I should marry? Should we have kids now? Are we going to send our kids to public or private school? Is this really the job I’m supposed to have long-term?

As a young adult, I’ve agonized and prayed over many of the above situations rather recently — and before you email me, I have not been agonizing over the ones about kids. Seasons of life where I must make decisions that affect the trajectory of my life are scary and difficult for me. And daily I also face the question “what is God’s will for my life today?”

Many times in the midst of important and difficult decisions I have prayed that God would cause a blimp to fly over me that somehow informs the path I should take. No joke.  I believe in miracles and that God can work through extraordinary means.

However, the blimps have yet to arrive.

Perhaps you’ve been there.

This week I came across one of  John Wesley’s sermons, “The Nature of Enthusiasm”, where he provides some of the clearest advice I’ve ever encountered for people wrestling with the question of God’s will for their lives. It is advice that resonates with how I’ve ultimately made decisions after no blimps appeared. And I believe you’ll find it helpful for your own life and the lives of your Christian brothers and sisters wrestling with the same question.

After affirming that God does, in rare cases, direct his children “by visions or dreams, by strong impressions or sudden impulses on the mind”, Wesley states that we are often “misled by pride, and a warm imagination, to ascribe such impulses or impressions, dreams or visions, to God, as are utterly unworthy of him!” And then he begins his explanation of how Christians ought to search for the will of God in all things:

“Ought we not then to inquire what is the will of God in all things? And ought not his will to be the rule of our practice?” Unquestionably it ought. But how is a sober Christian to make this inquiry? to know what is the will of God? Not by waiting for supernatural dreams; not by expecting God to reveal it in visions; not by looking for any particular impressions or sudden impulses on his mind: No; but by consulting the oracles of God. “To the law and to the testimony!” This is the general method of knowing what is “the holy and acceptable will of God.”

“But how shall I know what is the will of God, in such and such a particular case? The thing proposed is, in itself, of an indifferent nature, and so left undetermined in Scripture.” I answer, The Scripture itself gives you a general rule, applicable to all particular cases: “The will of God is our sanctification.” It is his will that we should be inwardly and outwardly holy; that we should be good, and do good, in every kind and in the highest degree whereof we are capable. Thus far we tread upon firm ground. This is as clear as the shining of the sun. In order, therefore, to know what is the will of God in a particular case, we have only to apply this general rule.

Suppose, for instance, it were proposed to a reasonable man to marry, or to enter into a new business: In order to know whether this is the will of God, being assured, “It is the will of God concerning me, that I should be as holy and do as much good as I can,” he has only to inquire, “In which of these states can I be most holy, and do the most good?” And this is to be determined, partly by reason, and partly by experience. Experience tells him what advantages he has in his present state, either for being or doing good; and reason is to show, what he certainly or probably will have in the state proposed. By comparing these, he is to judge which of the two may most conduce to his being and doing good; and as far as he knows this, so far he is certain what is the will of God.

Meantime, the assistance of his Spirit is supposed, during the whole process of the inquiry. Indeed it is not easy to say, in how many ways that assistance is conveyed. He may bring many circumstances to our remembrance; may place others in a stronger and clearer light; may insensibly open our mind to receive conviction, and fix that conviction upon our heart. And to a concurrence of many circumstances of this kind, in favour of what is acceptable in his sight, he may superadd such an unutterable peace of mind, and so uncommon a measure of his love, as will leave us no possibility of doubting, that this, even this, is his will concerning us.

This is the plain, scriptural, rational way to know what is the will of God in a particular case.

But considering how seldom this way is taken, and what a flood of enthusiasm must needs break in on those who endeavour to know the will of God by unscriptural, irrational ways; it were to be wished that the expression itself were far more sparingly used. The using it, as some do, on the most trivial occasions, is a plain breach of the third commandment. It is a gross way of taking the name of God in vain, and betrays great irreverence toward him. Would it not be far better, then, to use other expressions, which are not liable to such objections? For example: Instead of saying, on any particular occasion, “I want to know what is the will of God;” would it not be better to say, “I want to know what will be most for my improvement; and what will make me most useful?” This way of speaking is clear and unexceptionable: It is putting the matter on a plain, scriptural issue, and that without any danger of enthusiasm.

What have you done in such difficult situations? Have you found truth in Wesley’s model throughout your life?

Things that haunt me: C.S. Lewis on “The Inner Ring”

The other day in class one of my professors told us that he hopes things from his class will “haunt” us five years down the road.

He was using haunt to describe how he wanted some items from class to continually be in the back of our minds long after tests, the news of the day, and our current situations pass away. These resources, quotes, thoughts, or ideas aren’t meant to carry negative connotations. Rather, they are to be things that stick with us long after we initially encounter them.

Since it is my final year in Divinity school, I’ve been thinking alot about things that I’ve come across over the years that haunt me. I share some of these with you in hopes that they will haunt you as well.

The first thing I want to share in this series of posts is an essay by C.S. Lewis entitled “The Inner Ring” that I was assigned in my ethics class last year.

You can read it here: C.S. Lewis – “The Inner Ring”

When I finished reading this essay, I sat stunned.

The article was written as if C.S. Lewis had watched me live for the past 24 years and struggle with the inclination towards exclusivity that he beautifully describes and warns against.  His advice is priceless.

I hope that you’ll find it haunting as well.

What books, quotes, essays, etc. have you come across that haven’t left you years later?

 

Page 1 of 1412345»10...Last »